Crappy Valentine's Day
by Kaori
Summary: Semisequel to Crappy New Year. Heero tells of the tale of the Valentine's Daysaster.


Last New Year's Day I wrote a fanfic called Crappy New Year.This fic could be considered the semi-sequel to that fanfic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. But it would be so cool if I did….[daydreams]

Crappy Valentine's Day

By Kaori

_Narration in italics_.

A light flickers on and off over the battlefield that was once a ballroom. Sitting almost triumphantly atop a broken table is the form of Heero Yuy; former Gundam pilot, war hero, and current victor of what will later be dubbed by the media as The Valentine's Day-saster. There was an impressive shiner under his right eye, and several bruises mottling his face. His tuxedo is absolutely ruined.

Heero: I've always hated this holiday. Duo once said that I hated all holidays which isn't exactly true. I just hate the holidays that are meant to honor people who died but are turned into commercial fiascos later.  We don't even get the day off… [pause] What happened here? [looks around] You mean this? [waves a hand negligently across the scene] Well, this happened two hours ago but it really started this morning…

Flashback Mode…. Engaged…

Commence ripple and fog effects…

_I was late for work this morning; I had a late start getting out of the apartment and then I got caught in traffic. Didn't matter anyway, my boss was late too. Anyway, I get to the mail slots and sifted through the papers in my box, I find an invitation to the Preventers Valentine's Day Ball. One of my co-workers, his name is Tod I think, was passing by and saw me with it…_

Tod: Woah! You got invited to the Preventers Ball?! What makes you so special? Who do you know in Preventers?

Heero: [glare] None of your business.

Tod: Are you gonna go?

Heero: No.

Tod: What?! It's one of the most exclusive social events in the entire city that everyone is dying to get into; you get invited and you don't want to go??!!

Heero: No. I don't.

Tod: [looks at him like he's crazy]

_Of course I didn't want to go. I learned my lesson at the Christmas party. [pause] No, I'm not going to tell you about it. You can ask Quatre if you want to know so badly… if you can find him. The Magunacs dragged him off someplace when the fighting started.  Anyway, that would've been the end of it, but when I was leaving work…_

A black sedan drives up, and screeches to a halt in front of Heero. The doors fly open and Heero is pulled into the car and it speeds off. 

Heero: [Death Glare] What the hell are you doing? Kidnapping is an offense.

Wufei: We're not kidnapping you. Lady Une and the Peacecraft onna ordered us to get you.

Heero: Is it a mission?

Sally:  Not exactly…

_"Not exactly" meant that they were driving me to the mall, buying me a tux, and then forcing me to go to the Preventers Valentine's Day Ball. Now, I'm not a religious man, but when we arrived at the hotel the ball was being held at, I prayed to every deity I could think of; and some of the ones Duo and Trowa may have made up that time we got drunk and… ummm… never mind. [cough]_

_The party started out okay. There were a lot of diplomats; even some from the colonies. Relena spotted me the minute Wufei and Sally dragged me through the door. That's right, dragged. There was no way I was going willingly._

Relena: Heero! You came!

Heero: Hn.

Relena: I haven't seen you in ages where have you been?

Heero: Around.

Relena: [pouts] Come on, talk to me! The least you could do is tell me how I look. [twirls around]

Heero: …

_Fortunately I was saved from commenting by Sylvia Noventa who thought I'd had enough punishment in my life. She came over and started asking Relena questions about her most recent trip to the colonies. I decided to meander through the crowd and see who was there. Quatre was there of course a long with a dozen of his sisters; each one insisting that he dance with them. The party had only been going on for two hours so far but he looked tired; they must've had him dancing for a while. Trowa and Duo were with Catherine, Hilde, and four of the Magunacs. That is never a good sign, especially when they're all standing near the punch bowl…_

Heero: What are you doing?

Duo: Heero! When did you get here?

Heero: Ten minutes ago. I'll ask just once more, what…are…you…doing?

Catherine: Why do you care?

Heero: [blink]

_Truth be told, I didn't so I left them alone. Now I know I should've stopped them. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. However, I didn't want to be there in the first place so I guess it works out into some demented sort of revenge. Nothing happened for about forty-five minutes, except for Quatre passing out from exhaustion and some strange girl chasing Wufei with her purse… It wasn't until Zechs challenged me to a duel that I realized everything was about to go to straight Hell…_

Zechs: [taps Heero on the shoulder]

Heero: [turns around and gets slapped by a napkin] What the…

Zechs: [swaying drunkenly] Heero Yuy *hic*  you have insulted my sishter for the lasht time. I challenge you!

Heero: You're drunk.

Zechs: So? Fight me, Yuy! Defend yourshelf! [tries to punch Heero but the younger man moves out of the way] Stand your ground, cur!

Heero: Cur? [dodges another punch and Zechs ends up hitting Dorothy]

Dorothy: What the hell did you do that for?!! [picks up a chair and decks Zechs]

Relena: Hey! Don't fight! [someone throws a shoe and it hits her in the head] WHOEVER THREW THAT MUST DIE!!!

_She had to have been drunk to do what she did next. Relena literally picked up whatever she could get her hands on and started throwing it at people. Pandemonium erupted. It was worse than the war. At least in the war you knew what you were fighting about; this was nothing more than drunken stupidity that got out of hand. _

_As the only sober person in the room, I did what I had to do. I started knocking heads together. Most of the work had been done for me. Trowa did a great job of getting the people trying to hit him to run into the walls and knock themselves out. Then again, I have a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't drunk at all and was merely enjoying all the trouble he had helped cause. I glared at him, he raised an eyebrow at me, grabbed Catherine and left._

_Some people wouldn't go quietly though. I had to throw Duo and Hilde  into the pool. They deserved it anyway; this was mostly theirs and Trowa's fault. Relena put up one hell of a fight. I hand no idea she knew jujitsu. I'm going to be sore for days after that round. Wufei was even worse though, damn him. He almost broke my arm. I didn't get anywhere near Lady Une. I'm not crazy no matter what Duo says. She's probably terrorizing the entire hotel as we speak with Noin, Sally, and Quatre's sisters.. [pause] Hell no. You go and stop them. I don't want to get killed._

Flashback Mode… Disengaged

Returning to normal view…

Heero: So that's what happened. You can call the cops if you want, but I intend to be gone before they get here. [gets up to leave and pauses] Oh yeah… Happy Valentine's Day.

~Owari~


End file.
